By Rashana | May 4, 2011 | Lifestyle, Sex & Relationships | 105 Comments
Good evening my beloveds Minister G. L. Harden here and I want to talk about fathers, but not only fathers but the relationship of the young women that are in their lives. I can attest for myself that for me my oldest daughter and I didn’t live under the same roof and there was a time when we didn’t see each other for a year here and there. There’s enough blame to go around on both ends dealing with the adults involved, but nevertheless it is certainly a child’s burden to bare. Things have gotten better over the years and yet there are some scars still that hasn’t healed on my daughters end although she’d never said it, she didn’t have to because I can feel her spirit as when I am with her. Forgiveness is such a powerful tool, yet it is a difficult mountain to climb at the same time; yet the undying love that I have for my first love, first born can never be denied. I’m so proud of her and all of her accomplishments and did I tell you she is in the United States Army, working towards becoming a doctor and that’s such a wonderful thing for this gift from God to aspire to be. Fathers must began to set aside their feelings for their spouses or their ex’s families and begin to focus on the children particularly our beautiful girls. My grandmother once told me the first man a woman should fall in love with is her daddy and if she does, she will be able to measure what a man should look like, act like and treat her like. Powerful advice it is, I pray for healing and deliverance today for all families who may be struggling with non contact from their fathers no matter what their circumstances are. Just remember God is a God that can change things.. if only we truly believe Him and we truly desire that change. It’s starts in the heart, through the mind and into the soul of a man to want to do better and be a better man, person, husband or father. So today we are interceding for that very thing to come to fruition.
Wonderful article I read a few years ago by a sister by the name of Rashana Hooks and in this article she talks about absentee fathers and their affect on the relationships of young women, in fact that is the title of her blog. So Ms. Hooks deals with her own relationship growing up and how it affected her into becoming a women, but she doesn’t stop there, she also gives her input on how it also affects young girls/women who may not have had a man/male role model in their lives while growing up and what are the results of this absenteeism. So I’m going to read the magnificently written piece an then I will leave you with my perspective as well as invite you to reflect also on what was said in this article and view it and use it to elevate first yourselves than others… So the tittle again is The Fear Factor: “How Absentee Fathers Affect The Relationships of Young Women”.
And it reads as follows:
Every so often the root of failed or dysfunctional relationships, poor decision making in men or self esteem issues plants itself as “Daddy issues” amongst women. Halle Berry most recently attributed her “I’m not the marrying type” confession to her long standing issues with her father; while Love & Basketball stars Chrissy Lampkin and Olivia share their sentimental stories of their fathers and how their behaviors shaped their lives. According to some interesting findings, the relationship with your dad while growing up is one of the most powerful forces in your life as an adult. The state of that relationship guides your choices in love, work and how you treat yourself. Deep?, Let’s discuss.
The roles of fathers in the lives of little girls have been topics of debate and discussions for years. Studies have shown that girls who grew up with a father in the home were more likely to get better grades, go to college and get married. Of course other factors can play a role such as economic stability but there is something to be said about a positive male figure in the early years of a young girl’s life. To use myself as an example coming from a two-parent home with a father who provided for my mother and I, I grew up with an expectation and notion that men are suppose to provide for their family. Plus I wasn’t easily swayed by the antics and false promises made by boys who were trying to get only one thing, because I lacked for nothing. unfortunately many of my friends who didn’t have their fathers around fell prey to the “game” and ended up a baby mother or just plain ole bitter all before the age of twenty-five.
Father’s are the first men a young girl knows thus setting the stage for all the other men in her life. When this relationship never occurs, we have trouble navigating our “man map” and often end up on roads we rather have not discovered. Even as grown women there are “little girls” walking around inside of us with pain and yearnings for our fathers. Such manifestation comes through promiscuity, numerous failed relationships, poor decision when dating, lack of self worth, and insecurity to name a few. I’ve even been told by some women who knew their father but never had a meaningful relationship with them that they tend to choose men with the same qualities as their father even if those qualities are poor. Women are also prone to fall victim to the “if I give him all of me, he will love me forever” syndrome stemming from the underlining feeling of wanting approval and unconditional love from their dads.
If we put aside the statistics, studies and other analytical thoughts surrounding the importance of father’s in women lives and just focus on the common sense fundamental aspects of it like – how else would a young girl learn what the role of a father/husband is if she never had or saw one? ; How would she know what love looks like from a man, if she never received loved from the first man in her life?; or how does she determine a future life partner if she never saw a successful one; maybe we can start paying closer attention to the choices we make and vow to break the cycle so our children can have better experiences. We can’t turn back the hands of time and rewrite our childhoods but what we can do is make better decisions as adults by being honest with our issues and making an effort to better our situations. So on behalf of the Bitchie Ladies, I say to all the men out there, in the words of Jill Scott “We need you”
Written By Rashana Hooks @RashanaHooks